The other other half

I call her my other other half. She will listen to me til my tongue turns to dust. She will offer advice when I want it. She will shut up when I don’t. She makes me absolutely f**king roar. She gets it that I can’t drink like we used to. That I am a maximalist and she is beautifully understated. She is a woman of science and I am …….. really, really not. I love every single thing about her and I can’t believe my fortune that I get to grow old with her in my life.

I met her when I was 14. She was achingly cool to me. Independent. Forthright. Fiercely intelligent. We had a horrendous hiatus which lasted for too long and is a source of loss for us both. We re-united like it had been yesterday. She is the only person I would allow to speak on my behalf. She lets me cut her hair (!)

I also have another other half. A more traditional one. A man to whom I’m married and have been so since 2006. He’s wonderful. I love every single thing about him. I consider myself (probably somewhat smugly, I guess) to be half of the most harmonious romantic relationship I know of and I can’t believe my fortune that I get to grow old with him in my life.

We’re raised in a society that honours romantic partnership relationships as the ultimate achievement. Not only should these relationships be entirely fulfilling in every way – emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically – they should be entirely exclusive and also (whilst we’re at it) last until our last breath. How’s that working out for you?

I’m not dissing monogamous love. I bloody love monogamous love.

But I don’t feel that loving someone else (a friend in this case) in any way detracts from my other formal legal partnership. In fact, it enhances it. She will listen til my tongue turns to dust, remember? This means that sometimes my husband gets to not. More than this, there are things that only another person with your life experience can relate to. Perimenopause? Much more useful to compare notes with her than with him. Raging about the patriarchy? To be fair, my husband does get involved in a lot of this, but he doesn’t know how it feels to live as a female in this world. And don’t even get either of us started on books, self-development or interior design.

If you love someone. Whoever they are. Celebrate them. If you have a friend that gets you, that has your back, that will listen and will laugh with you, treasure them. The other type of love might also be part of your life. The other type of love might be something you’re not remotely interested in.

If you have love in your life ……. From your bezzie, your partner, your dog (don’t even get me started on this type of love) today is your day, just like all the others.



If you’d like to celebrate the love in your life, whatever form it takes, get in touch for a chat. Friendship Ceremonies, Bonding Ceremonies, Couple Ceremonies ……. Let’s shout out about love.